Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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