I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
