I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
