I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
