I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
