we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
