never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Say something about gay babies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
