Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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