I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
