Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
