im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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