I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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