I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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