hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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