btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
