dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
porn star boner night. come get it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
