drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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