Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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