Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
