she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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