I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
