its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So gin and wine won't be happening again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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