Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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