tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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