4 words: hood of his car
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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