she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
