i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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