Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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