Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
