im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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