i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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