its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
