Only a mothe r could love this liver
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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