He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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