I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize