I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
