He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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