Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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