if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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