Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
