On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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