Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Alive.
So much puke
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
