everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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