you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
