Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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