Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize