Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
try to milk me bitch
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