I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
