The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
