If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
