Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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