You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
