Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
