Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
