Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
