i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So here I am, sexting at work.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
