she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
