Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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