is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
