i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
