I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
