The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
