Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
