My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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