Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
