areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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