This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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