Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
