I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
