I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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