You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
