I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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