No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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